Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe its about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.
Occult means hidden. Concealed. Deep. Unknown.
Deep in my unconscious lies hidden content unknown to my consciousness.
Past traumas have never weighed me down because I repressed them to protect myself. I would not feel the pain because I would not store the memory in my brain bank. Covering up hurt and abuse with superficial happiness was a tool that worked on autopilot.
From a young age, I developed the mindset that I needed to just “be happy”. I believed I could trick my mind to being happy, and for a long time I think it worked. I thought it to be a special skill that I had and that “god wouldn’t give me anything that I couldn’t handle”. I relied on religion and church to come to better views on processing the trauma. Any difficult times I faced were obstacles I needed to get through to learn the necessary skills to prepare me for who god wanted me to be. Some day, I was going to help others dealing with trauma in their lives.
Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that this way of thinking was extremely unhealthy because I was magnifying all of the good and dismissing all of the bad. All of the bad, that I thought I was away from, was actually in my subconscious and was hindering my ability to perform well in the areas of life that I cared about the most.
All of my childhood trauma from a home fostered in addiction led me to an emotionally and physically abusive relationship in college. Reaching this tipping point affected me more than I could consciously comprehend at the time. Heightened anxiety, caused by the unsafe feelings about myself and my environment, impacted my performance in every area of life. Which in turn gave me more anxiety.
It’s taken lots of time, but I’ve been taking the steps for the necessary self work to overcoming the damage left by these traumatic events and I now have reached a still point where I can perform effectively again. Where the good is noted and the bad is noted. Its all balanced. And it all is wonderful.
This blog is about my journey in healing. My journey with true occult knowledge. The journey to discovering the SELF.
Collab with Sab means walking with me in the collaboration of my real life. Yoga, consciousness, mysticism, love, kindness, meditation, mental health, charity, best self, living every day to the fullest, mindfulness, self-love, family, friendship, all of it. The collaboration of it all to discovering how to make this world a better place.
I promise to be authentic. To be accountable. To be myself.
Journeying with me means that we can heal together. We can grow together. We can love together.
More love to the planet. More love to others. And more love to self.
Thanks friends. I’m here for you.